Foolish Friend

I’m supposed to quit you 

like a cigarette

but I’ve been breathing you in

long before nicotine.

I wonder which has been more harmful 

And now I revisit

how everything and everyone 

I’ve tried to fill my fingers with

has only kept you further from me still.

Jesse was drunk as fuck

when he offered to drive 

back to the apartment

where I slept in the living room

I was wasted on love and 

rage poisoned my veins

I threw my phone and stormed

I wonder how I’ve misconstrued you

You always seemed sort of blue 

I wonder how you make it through

I really do

But I’m in no place to ask

Just like Sisyphus’ task

but it’s not some elevated path

This love is more of a drawn out car crash

For seven years I’ve been living in delusion

All this love is only an illusion

Put me in the sunshine

I’m sure that will replace you just fine. 

Then they can burn my books

and throw away my favorite pen

Send me into the woods

and see how well I fend

With no hope for how this ends

Even when we shared a bed 

we kept our clothes on

and I ate my heart out instead. 

Such a foolish friend. 

When I wake up

you’re on my mind

my arms are empty but 

my hands are warm inside

this shitty comforter.

I suppose I’ll only ever hold you

In my dreams.