To My Best Friend, Jumping Off
There is so much of you in my life. You are such a big part of my life. My life is not my life without you.
How else can I say it? It’s really fucking good to be your friend.
In a world full of people who ignore you or only look at you, I feel seen by you. In a way that I don’t feel from anyone else, I can feel your care.
Remember Bon Iver’s set at Rock the Garden and you clawed through the crowd up to the second row? That’s when I knew we were best friends. My respect for you slapped me right in the face as I turned around to see you standing there, smiling nervously with dozens of disgruntled people glaring at you.
I’ve always been impressed by your determination - your ability to the top through sincere effort and to reach with both arms towards what you want. That will serve you forever well.
If I don’t stop myself my intent to show gratitude will be covered by all the things you’ve done for me.
But while I do everything I do like a drunk person trying to find the right pan for mac n cheese (clanking too loudly and bothering everyone else in the house) you have quietly and steadily been progressing in your journey.
I’m writing to you now because you have reached the dock and will soon board the ship to sail past the mountains, away from known and comfortable and expected towards that thing in the distant fog that calls to you. I hope you spend some moments appreciating this about yourself. There is something out there that calls to YOU. It’s not calling out to anybody else or anything else that you identify with. It’s just for you.
What is this unknown thing in the dark, calling, calling?
It is also you.
It’s your future self. Hold on to this with assuredness that no doubt can shake. Just like a car making its way down a dark road with its headlights on hours before the sun rises, you move moment by moment.* But just like you, right now in this moment, can look back at the past, so too can your future self look back at you, now, reading this letter.
Every moment is forever. Just because we experience time moment by moment doesn’t mean that our lives exist only in this way. It’s all happened already. It’s all always happening. Just go through it.
As you do, remember this is it. It’s not about who you will be one day. It’s about who you are now and always. Just go through it. Waste no time wishing it away.
Step into the person you are in this moment.
Love,
Roman
P.S. I’m so fucking proud of you.
*This simile is completely and shamelessly stolen from Anne Lamott in Bird by Bird. I steal from her often and it’s littered all throughout this project.