Am I Centered Enough to Surf?

I ask the ancient ocean
“Am I centered enough to surf?”
and I get my answer
underneath the white water
hands covering my head.
I come up for air,
“Do you see how good it is to breath”
the body of water
laughs and brushes another wave
over my head.

The next day at high tide and sunrise
the sea waves at me
“Am I centered enough to surf” I plea,
“for this is how I feed my body
and this is how I sleep at night”
the tide comes in,
“have you spent your life
sitting down, hunched over,
clenched tight?”
and sends me back to shore
sore shouldered, down hearted.

I pedal my way home
along a dusty country road
Am I alone? I ask the trees,
“If I speak to you do I talk to God?”
In the breeze they shake and nod.

“Am I centered enough to stand?”
I ask myself on sandy
beaches with a heart that
reaches forward toward
coral reef.
I believe in belief and believe
you me before I leave
the sea I will release this grief.

But each night I drown in pixels
marinade my brain in serotonin
lemonade, serenaded by sirens
branded like irons. uninspired
but fueling the fire

My god my arms are tired.